unconditional love

Why do we love our pets so much?  Or why do we love animals in general so much?  Look in the eyes of these animals - the wolf, the fox, the raccoon.  I think we love animals so much because of their unconditional love.  Animals have no hidden agenda. 

Wild animals may not show their love in the way our pets do; nevertheless their eyes convey a genuineness, a certain innocence, a truthfulness, a vulnerability, a transparency we admire because we don't necessarily see it in ourselves and our fellow wo/men.  We humans are so much more complicated.  We interpret, we judge, we evaluate, we question, we wonder, we manipulate, we doubt.  Why can't we be a bit more like animals?

creating community

            I am so fortunate to live in a fantastic town and community.  Traditionally the church used to be the anchor of a town.  In any small European village you can find the town center with its market place by looking for the church steeple.   At church and at the market is where people used to gather and meet. 

            Creating and being part of a community is a much more diverse experience nowadays than meeting at market or church.  My small town offers an amazing number of cultural and community events, many of them free; from concerts and talks to art parades and music festivals, from street fairs and a community garden to carnivals and the drive-in.  Then there is an endless variety of organizations with opportunities for volunteering, an activity that gets you out to meet new townspeople and creates a better and more compassionate community; from school organizations to food pantries, from literacy and homework programs to community dinners and fundraisers, from organizations to improve life in our community in general or the life of a specific group of people  to organizations for specific causes - you can find an organization for just about any cause.

            Social interaction is important.  The first part of my life I spent living in metropolises.  Life there can be exhilarating, full of energy and creativity, with an endless array of choices to get involved.  But it can also be overwhelming and lonely.  It sure takes time and intent to become integrated into the fabric of a community.  I like knowing the farmers I buy my food from, I like knowing the shop owners where I buy my clothes, books, and gifts.  I like running into acquaintances at the Sunday market or a library event or a festival in town.  I feel embedded in the web of relationships that we as a town have created through our activities and offerings.   The more you're part of it the more fun it is; moreover it's healthy for you (see a previous post on that).  Help to create the community you wish to live in - it's truly rewarding. 

let's dream

           A day late, but never too late for this message.  While Martin Luther King, Jr. was a person of color, his message of love and peace and respect is of course universal and has nothing to do with skin color.  On MLK day we celebrate his courage in the face of adversity, his vision to communicate peacefully in a world fraught with adversity and strife, his vision for harmony and kindness on Earth, and for showing us a better way,  - a dream still, but let's keep dreaming.   

            Let's embrace his message in our own backyard - in our families, among our friends, at work, at school.  When I can see myself in all other fellow men, in any fellow man or woman, when I can see that they all have the same needs for safety, a roof over their head, a good job, healthful food, dignity and respect, as I do, that they all have the same fears I do, and the same need for love and acceptance, skin color is no longer the issue.  When we become peaceful internally we will become peaceful externally.  Let's all remember his dream and make it our's - it's a universal dream.

Happy ChristmaHanukkah

            Finding canny significances in events and things - some call it synchronicity - makes life more meaningful, and can send a strong message. 

            This year Christmas Eve and the first day of Hanukkah fall on the same day.  Why not take this convergence as an opportunity to celebrate inclusiveness and togetherness?  We are stronger together than fragmented into splinter groups. Instead of lighting candles for Christmas, or lighting candles for Hanukkah, why not light candles for peace, for happiness, for compassion, for inclusiveness, for understanding, for awareness, for human rights this year?  May light prevail over darkness, and may love prevail over anger and hatred.  Wishing all a happy ChristmaHanukkah.

opening the door

             It's easy to post an opinion or a judgment out there on social media because nobody sits across from you and looks you in the eyes.  It may get rid of pent up anger or fear by throwing something out into cyberland.  But it doesn't open a real dialogue. 

            A true dialogue, and true healing, happens when we sit across from each other and see each other's humanness, our commonalities, when we share our dreams, whishes, and desires, but also our vulnerabilities, feelings, and emotions. 

            We are all entitled to our own opinions, and we don't have to agree with each other's views.  But discussing face-to-face how we feel, putting our fears out on the table, acknowledging our emotions, opens the doors to a dialogue, to listening, to respecting each other's thinking, to finding out that we usually have more commonalities than differences.

            Listening deeply opens up a space.   Open the door to peace and dialogue - it begins in your own heart.

how to move forward

             We are so used to win-lose scenarios that we have a hard time embracing that everyone can potentially win.  Regardless of which side of the fence you sat on during the election, let me list the many commonalities we all share.  We all prefer predictability to uncertainty; we all are entitled to a steady and assured source of income so we can live a life of dignity and without financial worries; we need to know that we're safe and that our justice system works for all, not just for some; we all prefer a clean and healthy environment so we can drink the water, breathe the air, and eat the foods grown in its soil without concern for our health; we are all entitled to affordable or free health care.  Beyond those basic physical needs we should have free or affordable education (it's to everybody's benefit), we should all be able to express our opinions freely and without repercussions, practice our religious or sexual preference without worry, and be treated equally regardless of the color of our skin, eyes or hair.  That's a lot we can agree on.

             With those commonalities in mind we need to move forward with win-win scenarios and agency.  "We, the people" is you and I, not some abstract entity.  The government may be a vehicle for democracy, but we, you and I, are the checks and balances for the government.  You and I must take charge, be responsible for upholding the principles of our democracy, formulate the future we wish for ourselves, our community, and our country.   As Kennedy said " Ask not....", well you know what he said.  Most importantly the solutions must work for all.  The crucial realization is that this requires compromise.  If you cannot agree with your spouse on what to do this Friday evening you're just going to sit home and do nothing.  If your spouse wants to go to the movies and you want to eat out, and you can't agree, well, you can either have a fight, or one can try to win the other over, which leaves the other partner disgruntled.  If you can compromise and agree to meet in the middle, perhaps go to the movies this Friday, and eat out next Friday, you can both have a good time and you both win.  

            Taking charge and being involved, as well as compromising for the greater good of all will be very important from here on in.  Please reread an older post on win-win scenarios.

the fox's secret

              You may have heard it said that we need to drop from the head to the heart, or that the mind sometimes gets in the way.  But what does that actually mean?  Antoine de St. Exupéry's The Little Prince is a philosophical chef d'oeuvre full of great quotes.  One of my favorites, the one that hangs on my fridge, is this one:  "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly.  What is essential is invisible to the eye." 

            When it comes to decision making our rational-analytical mind sidesteps our feelings and decides strictly with the head, the left side of the brain, the math and science side.  It foregoes checking in with the heart.  Initially, we may believe that that's wise, and when solving a math equation it's essential.  But in many instances our heart, our feelings, provide complementary, and sometimes contradictory information to the mind, that is valuable to consider, and can be really helpful - the "seeing rightly" part of the quote.

            We can't see emotions and feelings, they are "invisible to the eye," yet they are essential to our human condition.   We have all made mind based decisions we have regretted later on because we disregarded the heart, so keep the fox's secret in mind, or rather in your heart.

giddy and livid

           Our culture is not very feelings and emotions oriented.  While there are many words to express them in the English language they are mostly part of our passive vocabulary.  That means that we understand the word when we read or hear it, but don't use it actively in conversation.

            Because we live so removed from our emotions, we don't understand the purpose of them very much and are ill equipped to name them.  Feelings and emotions express themselves both physically and mentally, such as a heaviness in the chest, or a lightness of being.  Understanding not only your own, but also someone else's emotions about an event or occurrence improvs relationships tremendously.  The same event may be perceived completely differently by two people.  If the boss yells at a subordinate for submitting an assignment late the boss feels aggravated, angered, perhaps fears retribution from higher up. Depending on why the assignment was submitted late the subordinate may feel all kinds of emotions - relief at being finally finished, dissatisfied with himself for being unable to submit on time, unnerved because the assignment was hard and took longer than expected, burnt out because he was up all night.  Who knows.  Empathy and trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes always changes the perspective.  It helps to learn putting into worlds what we feel.

            Here are a few neat feeling words to say out loud, savor, reflect on their meaning, and perhaps sometime even use them.

Lousy emotional connections and compassionate communication are two previous posts on emotions.

shut them off

          Oh boy is it easy to look for entertainment and distraction on your computer or cellphone.  Facebook, my email in box or Instagram can seem quite interesting when I'm supposed to be working.  Just a quick look, maybe something fun or important came in, I'll go right back to work.  Or a quick phone check while you're with friends, or before bed, or God forbid at the dinner table.  You never know, emergencies do happen, maybe someone really needs to reach me right now.  It drives me nuts when I see a party around a restaurant table all staring into their phones instead of enjoying each others' company.  Or a parent at the playground more interested in their phone than their toddler.  Or a ringing cellphone in the middle of yoga class, and worse during savasana.

            Recently a woman was killed in Manhattan when she walked across the street tapping away on her phone and failed to see the oncoming car.  Shut them off every once in a while, those devices, and enjoy your kids, your dinner partners or your yoga class.   Close your email and internet while you're working.   Here a related former blog post on being in the moment.  One last thought - your behavior is a model for your children.  

say yes!

            "The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new," Dan Millman's fictional counselor Socrates said in Millman's Way of the Peaceful Warrior.  This is profound and cannot be said often enough - I must have written several blog posts along those lines, all saying the same thing in different words.

            The universe doesn't hear the word "no," it leaves it out, it simply ignores it; so do animals, people, and especially young children.  Guess what they do when you say "Don't jump around on the couch."  Guess what your cat does when you keep saying, with a look towards that couch, "Don't scratch that couch!"  Guess what you do when the boss says "Don't do it this way."  You'd rather not listen because it doesn't feel good being criticized.  Besides, the boss didn't define how he actually wanted it done.  But guess what you do when the boss says "That report was written just the way I wanted it, thank you for a job well done."  You listen, you acknowledge, and you do more of the same because you love being praised and praise feels good.

            So - when it comes to anything, be it children's behavior, employee behavior, your own health, life, define clearly what you want, not want you don't want, and move in that direction.  Move forward instead of looking backwards.  That way you get more of what you want because the universe gets it.